I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
