I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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