hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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