Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Even my vagina gasped.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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