Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
