We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
