when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
