Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
