Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize