I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
