Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
