it was like his penis was on wheels.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
