I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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