Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
