# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
