I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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