girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
