she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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