Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
