You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if only i could text you this smell
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
