I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
