I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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