Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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