y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
