Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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