i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
