guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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