I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
