3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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