OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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