Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
