So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
