I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
