Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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