I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
