I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize