Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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