so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
