If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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