Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
