I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
