i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
its liver damage thursday
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
