Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
