He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
