I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
