Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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