I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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