Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
