Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize