OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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