Im at strip club and am horny
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
