the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
