i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
