it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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