eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
A+ Viking dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
