So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone came in the potted fern
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize