What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
