can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
