Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
