Swine flu. Run for my life!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
