I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
