So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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