Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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