drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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