ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you bring me the toilet please
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
