I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
