it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize