You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
