Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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