So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
