so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
