I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
