Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
