By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
