I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
